Category Archives: Relationship

FIVE THINGS YOU NEED TO ASK A MAN BEFORE YOU COMMIT YOUR FUTURE TO HIM

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Relationship journeys are not just something you jump in to without proper analytical thinking. Most people discard this ideology with the mindset of opting out whenever things are no more going in their favour. Well that might be an option for those that are not married yet, but even at that, whenever you end a relationship with someone, there’s a vital part of you the person takes along with them, psychologically, emotionally and sometimes materially. Haven’t said this, it is imperative that you settle some doubts  and vital questions that might later resurface in  a more threatening form, and occasionally they might be too late. Please follow me on this journey; if you could ponder these questions critically it will save you from a lot of misfortune in the nearest future. My mentor, Mr Olajide Aribisala once said

most of your struggles are traceable to your ignorance”.

1. What can you tell me about your future?

Asking this kind of question gives you a direct insight on where a man is heading, it immediately unlocks a futuristic view of where he is leading you to. If you asked a man this question and within five minutes he was blabbing, and he couldn’t give you a concrete description of the kind of future he wants, this can tell you one thing, he has never sat down to critically think and analyze where he is heading or taking you to. It’s like the funny story of Alice in Wonderland; Alice got to an intersection of two roads, and she asked someone she saw at the intersection, where both roads would lead. The stranger asked her where she was heading, she said she didn’t know, then the stranger said to her, ‘it doesn’t matter which road you take either. This is a clear example of committing your future to the hands of a man that is unsure of his future. He will take you everywhere but nowhere concrete, Just busy but not productive. They may not necessarily be bad people, but they haven’t start living like they should yet, they are still a biomass, existing like a robot. Such people are easily depressed, and easily convinced to take a wrong decision.

2. What are your gifting and skills?

Here’s where the ladies get it all wrong, when they meet a man they are quick to ask him what he does, or where he works; here’s a shocker for you. Work or a job is not a guarantee for a well secured or balanced future. Late Dr. Myles Munroe once said,
Your career is not your purpose.

Your job is not your work.
Your job is what you’re paid to do.
Your work is what you’re created to d

o.
Until a man discovers his purpose and reason for existence, he is like a leaf hovering upon the waters with no specific direction, but I am going to write an article on that next time. Moving forward, he can be fired from his job but he can’t be fired from his purpose. It’s even safer to ask a man about his gift and talent, rather than asking him where he works or the kind of job he does. If you could encourage him to develop those gifts he is going to be an employer of labour in a short while.
His gift and talent gives you a clue of the kind of family you’re about to build with him, and the required skills, to sustain such home.

3. Where do I fit in to your future?

This is another intelligent question, asking a man this kind of question, sends a signal to him that you’re someone that can’t be taken for granted, or, who values her time, and is purpose driven.
This is also a security question. It will quickly reveal if the man wants you for the short while or for a better reason as regards to the future. You might be skeptical about some of these questions; probably there are men smart enough to beat you to it. Well not exactly. That’s where your emotional intelligence comes to play. Trust me, it is easy to catch a lie, if you don’t blind your sight by emotional entanglement.

4. Who are the top five people you’re modeling your life after?

A man’s mentor is a window to his future; a man’s mentor tells you more about him than he could explain himself. Asking about his mentors also gives you an intimation of the kind of future he has carved for himself. It tells you if he is purpose driven, if he has hunger for success.
If he follows successful men, it can only tell you one thing, he will in no time be successful, if he is diligent enough, because success leaves clue, it can be reproduced. If he also models his life after a failure as his mentor, you already know the kind of man you’re submitting your life to.

5. What are you doing every day to align yourself to that future?

It has been said that a man’s success is in his daily routine, you don’t become great by just wishing. John C. Maxwell affirms this truth in his book Today Matters “

show me your 24hours schedule, and I will show you your future”.

Asking a man this kind of question, if he is a sensible man, he will feel loved and appreciated, because it shows that you believe in him. But an insecure man will push you off. Well it’s a win-win situation for you; it saves you the pain of figuring out who he is.
This question provokes a man to action, it is as potent as seeing a relationship consultant if you are willing to know the truth. For us to learn a new truth, you must willingly surrender your disbelief.

DISCLAIMER: for you to get a desired result you have to be open-hearted, willing to be proven wrong of what you originally believed. Most of the relationships problems occur, not because we didn’t see the truth from the get go, but we convinced ourselves from believing those truths. For while you ask these questions apply your human intelligence to the process.
I wish you a loving relationship.

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HOW TRUE IS YOUR TRUTH?

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How far are you willing to go to prove what you know is right?

To what magnitude will you exercise your authority on the quest for justice?

Are you willing to risk all you’ve got to prove to someone that their opinion, ideas, behavior or manner of approach is wrong?

Is being right more important to you than being happy?

In as much as it is expedient to seek justice and ascertain the truth, it is also prudent for us to examine what we thought is the truth.

In most cases the truth is relative. Reality is not truth, and truth is not reality. Reality can be true, but it is not necessarily so most of the time.

Sometimes  what we are willing to sacrifice our happiness and longtime friendship to prove are not worth it, but we fight against this fact until it is done on us, until the situation has gone haywire, before we come to terms with the real truth of the matter.

Our perception of the truth is governed by our environment and nurtured by reality, which we mistake for the truth, majority of the time.

I read a funny story that puts this article in a better perspective.

A woman was rushing to the airport, she bought a cookie along the way and puts it in to her bag, sat patiently at the waiting arena as she was reading her book, she was so engrossed in the book, she brought out her cookie, with her eyes fixed on the book, she picks a cookie to eat and a man seated beside her reached for the pack of the cookies and picked one for himself, she was irritated by the man unrequired confidence and arrogance, she was so annoyed by the sight of the man, but the man seems not to bother, he smiled as he reached for another cookie, the woman couldn’t just believe such level impetus, she struggled to get her attention back to the book, as she skirmishes through the pages, with the disturbing thought of this arrogant thief, seated beside her. They were trading turn till it remained one last cookie, at least courtesy demand that the man will be polite to leave the last piece of cookie for the owner, but that seems not to be the case. The proverbial honour among the thieves seems not to be applicable in this scenario. The man reached for the last cookie, broke it in to two, and gave the woman half with a warming smile, as he ate the other.

This woman became livid, felt like punching his four front teeth out his jaw, as she was lost in to such abysmal thought; she was called for her flight. She was seated in her plane, feeling relieved of what seems to be the worst day of her life. She reached for her back, to her sheer bewilderment, she saw her pack of cookie untouched, it dawned on her, that the so called arrogant thief was her all along, for it was the man cookie that she has been eating, and not hers. She felt mortified embarrassed and remorseful for her attitude, but she can no longer go back to apologize to the man in question. No wonder mark twain said “it is not what we don’t that gets us into trouble, it is what we know for sure that just ain’t so”.

The lesson here is this, most times what you saw is not what it is, perception is always a dangerous element, that’s why in dealing with people, you have to be very careful how you fight for what you believed to be the truth.

It is always advisable to give it a second thought, it cost nothing in being right and doesn’t have to prove it. Someone once said “if you spend all your time proving why you’re right, you will end up being wrong. The Holy book affirm this thought, “he that is slow to anger is wise”

In this 21st century, human relation is a skill you must learn, it has become imperative to know how to relate with people. Always remember TRUTH IS NOT REALITY, AND REALITY IS NOT TRUTH.

ENVIRONMENT THE KEY TO YOUR FUTURE.

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There was a trained police Dog, highly skilled in chasing after criminals, it has an incredible speed, it could chase a criminal tirelessly, till it hunts it down. There was this fateful day, the dog was in a hot pursue of a thief, it was running at an intersection of a major road, with a busy traffic, cars moving at top speed, as the dog was maneuvering its way amidst those cars, there was a car coming at full speed behind it, before the driver could apply a break, it hits the dog, but the it managed to wobble away from the road. Several months later, the dog survived, but could no longer walk properly. It has to throw its first two legs to the front, and wobble with the last two. But something happened, when the dog was hit by the car, it was already pregnant. When it delivered the puppies, guess how they were walking? The puppies will throw their first two legs to the front and wobble with the last two. But the interesting thing was that, they were healthy, sustained no injury. But the truth is this; their environment has conditioned their future. The veterinary doctors were plagued with how they could get the puppies to walk properly; they have tried several times but to no avail. They came up with a plan of separating the puppies away from the wounded dog. It was when they did that, before the puppies could walk properly.

Here’s my question to you, could it be that, so many limitations you’ve placed on your self were caused by the environment you expose yourself to? Human ability is immeasurable. It is our environment that placed a limit on who we are as a person. Think of this, when you were young, you were full of dreams and ideas, you felt like you could do anything you set your mind on, but as you grow older, you began to  give up on those dreams. What happened? Is not because your ability to achieve those dreams that waned, neither you lose interest, but the environment, your society has forced that limitless ability out of you with their negative words.

It has been said that for every “you can’t do it” someone tells you, you need seven different “you can do it” to counter that single “you can’t do it”. Now imagine someone that has been born to such toxic environment all their life till they become an adult. Guess what will happen to their confidence in themselves? Please how many “you can do it” do they need, do the math?

I think of environment as any possible thing; you expose yourself or sense organ to, capable of selling an idea, perception, suggestion and opinion to you. It can be your friends, your families, religion, office and schools, something as seemingly insignificant as your choice of music and movies.

My friend and i  visited the prison some days back, we saw how the prisoners were made to do a hard labour against their wish, I turned to my friend and told him that, every single person you see here, both the guilty and the innocent ones, it was one day they made a choice or a decision that landed them in to this place they are right now. The guilty ones, it was one day they resolved in their minds to make the decision that ruined their lives. The innocent ones, it was one day they decided to make friends with the person that implicated them. What I resolved to was that. We don’t make decisions; it is our decisions that made us. So for every decision you make in life, it is either drawing you towards who you want to become in life, or it is pulling you away from it. If you live with such consciousness, you will pay extra caution to how you live your life, and those you hang around. Your environment is key to who you become in life.

It is a proven fact that who you become in life:

Your knowledge has 10% influences.

Your character has 40% influences.

Your environment has 50% influences.

Needless to say that your environment plays the major role in your life, please guard your space, your circle and your life, with conscious deliberate effort.

HOW TO KNOW YOU’RE DATING A GUY THAT’S HEADING NOWHERE.

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One  of  the  major  topic  am  always  interested  in  is  relationships,  I’ve  spent  the  reasonable  part  of  my time  to  study  relationships,  people’s  behaviors  in  relationships.    And  it  is  interesting  to  note  that  they  all have  patterns,  both  the  successful  and  the  unsuccessful  ones.    I  think  some  of  these  signs  are  also obvious from  the  get  go, but  because  we  claimed  to  be  in  love,  so  we  ignore  the  obvious signs. Here’s  one  thing  I  want  you  to  know  from  this  day  onward,  once  we  love  someone  we  no  longer  see them  from  the  normal  eyes,  we  see  them  from  the  prisms  of  our  emotion,  through  rose  glasses.  So  it makes  it  so  difficult  to  acknowledge  their  fault  even  when our friends are  calling  our attention  to  it. So  let’s  go  straight  to  the  subject  of  discussion,  and  if  peradventure  you  read  some  of  these  things  and you’re  compelled to  quit  your relationship, it  wasn’t  my  intention  whatsoever.
             CATEGORY  ONE 
  If  you’ve  noticed that  since  you’ve  being  with the  guy  he  has never  by  mistake  shared  his dream with you,  maybe  the  dreams  of  who  he  wants  to  become  or  what he  wants  to  achieve, then  am sorry  my  sister  you’re  dealing  with  a  guy  heading  nowhere.  
                   IMPLICATIONS
Here  are  the  implications  of  dating  the  guy  without  a  dream,  that  means  he  hasn’t  discovered  himself yet,  the  danger  of  dating  a  guy  that  hasn’t  discovered  himself  is  that,  you  will  never  be  sure  where  you guys  are  heading  towards  in  life,  your  destination  is  not  guaranteed,  you  don’t    know  that  kind  of  family you  want  to  raise.  In  a  nutshell  you  are  groping  in  the  dark.  Another  devastating  effect  of  being  in  love with  a  dreamless  guy  is  this,  when  he  discovered  himself  he  might  be  forced  to  live  you,  because  your gifting  may  not  suit  his  purpose  for  life.  That  is  why  is  always  good  to  identify  your  purpose  before partner. 
               WAY OUT
If  you’re  lucky  to  be  with  a  guy  who  is  willing  to  learn  and  adjust,  you  could  recommend  books,  tapes and  C.Ds  for  him,  or  you  could  even  buy  them  for  him.  Another  thing  you  could  do  for  him  is  look  for seminars  that  have  to  do  with 
self-development,  save  money,  buy  tickets  for  you  and  him.  As  you’re doing  such,  those  programs  are  gradually  reconditioning  his  minds  to  start  thinking  the  way  he  ought  to, and  you  will  start  noticing  changes.  But  mind  you  those  things  take  time  and  require  patience,  so  if  you don’t  have  the luxury  of  time,  you  might  quit the  relationship.  But  if the love  you  have  for him  can  afford you  to  go  through  those  stresses  for him,  why  not,  please  do.
           CATEGORY TWO
  The guy that has discovered  his gift, but  doing  nothing  about  it.  This  is  a little  different  from  the first  category;  the first  category  is  totally  unaware, while  this  present  category  is  partially  aware but  not  developing  it.  Maybe  you  noticed  he  is  a  talented  footballer  but  never  practice  regularly, not doing anything at all to improve the talent so it could yield money in the future.
               IMPLICATIONS
The  effect  of  being  with  a  guy  in  this  category  is  this,  your  future  with  him  is  like  a  mirage,  you’ll  be hopeful  as  if  there’s  something  tangible  waiting  for  you  ahead,  but  the more  you  move  ahead  in  life,  the more  reality  hits  you,  because  a  talent  undeveloped  is  like  a  talent  not  discovered.  You  thought  you’re holding  on  to  something  tangible,  but  the  reality  is    this,  there  is  nothing  concrete  there,  you  just hanging  on,  because  he  is  living  his  life  based  on  share  luck,  and  the  truth  about  luck  is  this,  until  you  do your  part  humanly  possible.  Luck  can’t  locate  you.  So  you  thought  you  two  are  building  a  future  but  my dear,  no  future.  And  that’s  the  most  painful part.
                      WAY OUT
Ladies  you  need  to  realize  that  men  re  like  little  babies,  they  just  need  a  little  push  and  encouragements so  don’t  give  up  on  them  too  soon.  Here  are  the  possible things you  could  do. Learn  to  look  for  the  appropriate  time  when  he  is  in  the  right  mood,  then  bring  the  topic  up,  sometimes we men  live  in  the  fear  of uncertainties, the  fear of  failing  and  looking  like  a  failure,  that maybe  the  case in  his  life,  learn  to  assure  him  that  whatever  happens  you’re  right  beside  him,  that  maybe  the  only motivation  he  needs  to  get  started. Alternatively  you  may  look  for  someone  already  succeeding  in  that  line  make  him  his  friend,  let  the person  serve  as  his  success  partner,  if  the  guy  is  someone  willing  to  change  then  you  will  see  a  positive change  in  his life.
             CATEGORY THREE
  The  last  category  is  the  most  dangerous  category,  the  category  of  men  that  are  just  satisfied with  the  average  and  the  ordinary,  probably  he  is  already  earning  a  salary,  he  is  not  looking  for something  bigger,  he  is  not  even  concerned  if  he  might  lose  the  job,  they  are  so  satisfied  with the  ordinary  life,  and  they  are  a  status quo  addict.  They  don’t  want  you  to  change  anything  in their  life,  they  will  go  to  any  length  to  fight  you  when  you  try  to  make  them  uncomfortable,  and they are the enemy of growth.

                   IMPLICATIONS.
The  adverse  effect  of  staying  with  this  kind  of  person  is  poisonous,  even  if  you’re  a  lover  of  progress before,  if you’re  not  mindful they  will infect  you  with  similar  virus.
Another  implication  is  that,  they  don’t  make  you  see  reason  why  you  need  to  live  beyond  the  ordinary life,  you  become  complacent,  and  they  make  you  forget  or  drop  all  your  dreams  and  aspirations, because  you  no  longer  see  reasons  why  you  should  pursue  them  anyway. Once  you  no  longer  have  pursuit  in  life,  you  begin  to  hate  your  life,  sadness  sets  in,  and  you  become suicidal.  
                   WAY OUT
I  don’t  want  to  sound  cynical  in  this  case,  but  the  best  solution  for  this  kind  of  people  is  to  avoid  them, they  are  rigid  people,  they  don’t  welcome  opinion,  and  sometimes  they  become  aggressive  when  you persist. If  you  are  a  person  of  faith,  try  and  pray  about  it,  God  can  change  anybody,  he  said  the  heart  of  a  king  is in  his hands.   You  can  also  try  talking  to  them  about  it,  and  letting  them  know  the  implication  of  the  kind  of  life they’re leading, who knows it might help.

If you don’t know your worth, at least surround yourself with those who do.

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The  late  Dr.  Myles  Munroe  shared  his  story  some  years  back,  he  is  a  renowned  teacher  and pastor,  but  he  has  just  delved  in  to  coaching  organizations  and  teaching  them  about  leadership, so  he  got  an  invitation  by  a  particular  company  to  come  speak  to  them,  he  was  asked  about  his charges,  luckily  for  him  he  was  with  his  friend  Les  Brown,  one  of  the  leading  motivational speaker  in  the  world.  Les  Brown  asked  him  how  much  he  was  going  to  charge  the  company;  Dr. Myles  Munroe  paused  for  a  minute  and  responded,  “How  much  did  you  think  I  should  charge?” Les  Brown  asked  him  “how  much  did  you  think  you’re  worth?”  Dr.  Myles  Munroe  thought  for  a minute  and  he  said  “I  don’t  know,  since  am  just  starting,  maybe  I’ll  charge  $2,500”  Les  Brown looked  at  him  in  amazement  and  told  him  that  his  usual  charges  for  such  organization  is $25,000,  and  if  Dr.  Myles  Munroe  charged  less  than  that,  then  he  is  disappointed  In  him, because  Dr.  Myles  Munroe  is  better  than  himself.  So  he  collected  the  contract  from  him  and put  $25,000  and  sent  the  paper  off.  The  interesting  thing  is,  the  checked  was  sent  to  Dr.  Myles Munroe  mail  the  next  morning. Here  are  the  lessons  I  want  you  to  learn  from  this  story:   If  you  don’t  know  your  worth,  at  least  surround  yourself  with  those  who  do.   Always  be  deliberate  about  choosing  your  friends,  not  those  who  see  you  as competition.   Imagine  how  much  Dr.  Myles  Munroe  would  have  lost  if  he  had  filled  the  initial  amount, so  always  have  in  your  circles  people  who  are  more  experienced  than  you,  because  they hold  the  keys to  some  of  your  open  doors.   In  the  words  of  Brian  Tracy  “Your  salary  is  the  average  of  five  of  your  closest  friends” now  you  know  why  so  many  people  are  broke  and  broken,  because  they  keep  hanging around  broke  people  like  them.  No  wonder  wealthy  people  are  always  deliberate  about who they  let  in  to  their  circles.

Eight common words used by women but misunderstood by men

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What I’m about to share with you are the things I’ve known for a while now, but after watching a YouTube video of John C Maxwell speaking at Joyce Meyer conference, I love the way he explains it in a more conspicuous way, so I’m just going to go right ahead and share it. Though I added more explanation to it out of an experience and for more clarity.

(1) When she says I’m fine : well, she’s not actually fine, this the word women use to out an end to an argument which she knew she’s right and she just wants you to shut up. So when they say fine, she’s definitely NOT fine, just shut up and let it go. But most men won’t listen because of their over bloated ego.

(2) When she says five minutes just know if she’s getting dressed it’s going to take half an hour or more, if she’s cooking she just want you to exercise more patient and not bug her again, but the interesting part is this, five minutes is only five minutes if you’re watching your favorite sports or hanging out with your fellow men.

(3) Another word they use is NOTHING. most cases nothing means something. It is an indication that you’re about to blow a fuse, it’s purely an indication that she’s hurting inside and you should watch out for fire outbreak because most arguments that begin with NOTHING usually ends with FINE. and we both know fine doesn’t mean fine too. If you’re wise as a man you do your best to avoid every form if confrontation and arguments in this moment and look for a way to meet her emotional needs by showing her genuine love and care, never minding who is right or wrong.

(4) Another dangerous word you should watch out for as a man is the words “Go ahead”. Don’t! It’s a trap or a dare never a permission. Women use this word most times when they’ve tried to change your mind but you’re so adamant and won’t listen.

(5) A loud sigh : most men have mistaken this for consent or realisation of her fault. But a loud sigh is definitely a word which simply means, she thinks you’re an idiot and so clueless that she doesn’t think you worth more of her time arguing with you, so you can just go ahead and mess up anyways.

(6) That’s okay :  means she want to think long and hard before deciding when and how you will suffer, probably she’s been telling you of how a particular habit of yours has been detrimental to her but you just refuse to listen, now she’s fed up and tired of lecturing you about it.

(7) Don’t worry about it, I got this :  this is the word women use when she’s been begging you to help her out and do something for her but you didn’t, now she has to do it by herself but you want to render help while she’s doing it, while clearly, she doesn’t need your help anymore.

(8) Whatever : this is the word women use when. You thought you’ve won an argument with her but she knew she’s right but waiting for you to mess things up and come crawling back to her. Or when you’re more concern about being right than showing love to her, she walks away from you after these words just to make you realise how Callous a man you are.

Things men won’t let you know.

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I give credit to all the ladies out there, for they’re far one of the most intelligent being ever created by God. Believe it or not, women are naturally intelligent than men, no matter how you want to argue it.
Now here’s the question, if women are these intelligent how come they find it difficult at times to figure out men? Well the answer is simple, ladies can figure out men but it’s often difficult to figure out the men they’re in love with or has a thing for emotionally, because more often than none they’ve been clouded emotionally.
Alright, let me cut the chase and get down to the business of the day. These are the things men won’t tell you but felt you should know or figure it out yourself. It might be because they don’t want to hurt your feelings by letting you know, or probably they’re logical beings and feel you should be able to reason the way they do.

(1) Men will never tell you to try and learn how to be independent, but they actually want you to. This is what I mean, just because a man is in a relationship with you doesn’t mean you should be blowing up his cell phone all day every day, that’s really a turn off for most men, especially the busy ones. A friend of mine was telling me one day that he just can’t understand why his girl can’t just let him be, that wasn’t she surviving or living her life before they met? Now get this lady. It’s not that he doesn’t love her, he just want her to give him room to miss her. Men love to chase things. Dear ladies try and resist the temptation of trying to blow up your man’s phone all day, especially when you guys are just starting the relationship is really a turn-off.

(2)NEVER EVER compare a man with his friend, relatives, neighbour or anybody at all, including your ex, especially when they’re doing better than him. When you compare a man to people who are doing better than him you’ve crippled his will to live and motivation to chase his dream, that man will almost always lose every form of love or feelings for you. Dear ladies! Please don’t try it, instead look for a way to remind him of the things he has achieved and obstacles he has conquered, such a man will love you till the sky come crashing down or till the mountains fade away.

(3) Never assume a man can’t cry or feel depressed, you know that thing that you ladies feel, when you’ve bottled up so many pains and hurt and you just can’t wait to see your man before you lean on his shoulder and burst in to tears? yes men feel that too, just that instead of a man to cry they vent their emotional pains in anger. Haven’t you see your man yelled at you for absolutely no reason, just because you ask a trivial question that doesn’t warrant losing his cool over? Yes you’re not the cause, those are results of a bottled up emotions, all his trying to let you know is, baby I’m crashing inwardly please come to my rescue, we don’t want you to see us has been sissy, so that’s the only chance we get to cry for help, any sensitive lady will ignore her ego and ask him what the problem is, mind you, sometimes it takes a lot of convincing for him to let out what he’s going through, but once he sees you’re genuinely interested, he’ll finally let down his wall of defense.

(4) Men hate a cheap and easy Lady, but they’ll never let you know. Don’t fall for that, try and get a class, be confident in your own world and let them know you know your worth, once a man sees you as the easy to get, they’ll might be coming after you but certainly is just to fulfil their fleshy desire but not because they want anything serious to do with you. Men are like the lion, a lion doesn’t eat a prey that’s not killed by him or handed to him, he like to go hunt for what he want, that’s who a man is. The motto is: once she’s easy, she can’t be that good. I’m not saying you should be rude, but maintain your confidence and be polite while at it, you don’t want to push away your future husband while forming hard to get. Just do it with charisma and with some level of intelligence.

(5) last but certainly not the least, well I don’t know the kind of religion you believe in, but I’m a person of faith, and my faith does not in any way encourage premarital sex. Let’s face the fact once a man sleeps with you before he gets married to you, his level of respect for you depreciate. Is more like for every time a man sleeps with you outside marriage he respect you less. Now you can argue about this, no problem, but how do you explain the constant leakage of sex tapes. First and foremost, which man who genuinely love you will sleep with you and tapes it? secondly if you must know, men are always ruthlessly possessive of what they love and they don’t mind to guard it with all they’ve got.
More so, it’s, even more, worst when a man sleeps with you on the first date, or even during the first week of your meeting, I bet you all his friends are going to table your matter and analyse it, please I beg you my dear ladies don’t fall for it.
Actually, there are more things I would have loved to share, but let me stop here. If you would like more things or talk to me privately, you can drop your e-mail in the comment section, thank you, I hope this article was Worth your time, do come back for more.

She’s Leaving you because you don’t have a clue.

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Women are exceptional fragile beings, most of their feelings are communicated in a nonverbal way and it takes a very sensitive man to read through her.
The majority of relationships crumble today, not for the lack of love but the absence of understanding, and in most cases even when the man understands, it’s often too late.
I’m  not here to join or compete with relationships Experts, as a matter of fact, I’m  not sure I’m  eligible to be called one.  But most of what I’m going to be saying here are proven facts from experiences and lessons learnt from so many failed relationships.
I met a girl one day and I asked her are you in a relationship? She said she’s  not sure,  I was shocked, how can you be in a relationship and not know,  then it’s  either you’re not in love or your love is not returned. She said you don’t get it, he claimed to love me but he doesn’t seem to have a clue of who I am and I’m sure until he gets it right he’s never going to have a lasting relationship.  She went further boiling in anger and you could see as she fights back the tears in a hurry.  Whenever I’m  with him he tries to buy me gifts,  cook and then we’ll watch movies all day,  there’s nothing I ask him to do or buy for me that he won’t do. To him that is love, but he’s getting it all wrong. I guess you’re reading this and you’re wondering, wow! my case is similar to this guy, don’t worry I ‘ll give you the clues you’ve been lacking that will transform your relationship magically if you abide by them.

CLUE ONE:- NEVER ASSUME YOU KNOW HOW SHE FEEL ALWAYS ASK.
As it is said assumption is the lowest level of knowledge yes it is.  Just imagine the story of I told earlier the guy was sincerely ignorant,  he was doing everything on the assumption of the fact that he is communicating love,  but he never knew all he was doing was creating an infill able gap between the two of them.
Look at her response when I asked her what she wishes the guy should have done differently. She said “all I wanted for him was to meet my emotional needs to ask me how I’m feeling to help me fight my emotional battles, to hold me close instead of running around like a bartender,  engage me in a conversation and listen to my pains”
Look at that, something so simple yet so complicated for most guys to understand.
What we don’t know as guys is that a woman emotional need is important than any other thing you can think of.

CLUE TWO:- NEVER COMPARE HER WITH YOUR EX.
It is easy to loose your cool when angry and in the attempt to pass your message to her you try comparing her with your ex,  telling her if it was your ex she would have acted differently,  but let’s face it, if she’s so much of an angel you wouldn’t have left her in the first place. And not just your ex alone,  never compare her with anybody not even yours or her siblings.  What you’re  doing is,  you’re communicating rejection and telling her she’s less a human. She might learn the lesson you’re trying to pass across but she will never be able to erase it from her memory, and in case you don’t know, gradually you’re digging the grave for such relationship. Nobody is perfect and nobody will ever will,  there’s a lot of people in the world today reminding us of our flaws what will need  are people who can keep encouraging us by telling us the good things we do right. I read a story earlier today in the book “How to win friends and influence people” by Dale Carnegie.  He told a story of a woman who was striving to improve her attitude by joining a group of women in her church, she came home and told her husband to list six things she can change or he wishes he could change in her. He said of cause he could write countless things,  and she could also write thousands of things about him that can change too, but he told her to give him some time, and in the next morning he got up early and called the florist to send six red roses with a note saying “I can’t  think of six things that I wish you could change,  I love you the way you are. He came back from work and here she is by the door waiting for him in tears and she appreciates him first what he did. Now that’s something spectacular. To be honest with you the best way to get people to change is not by rubbing it in their faces but by appreciating the things that they’ve done right.  So never make the mistake of comparing her.

CLUE THREE:-SAY THE WORD I LOVE YOU AS MUCH AS YOU CAN BREATHE.
I said it before, an assumption is detrimental to any relationship. When you ask any man or guy about how frequent they say the word “I love you” immediately they jump into the defence mode of saying of cause she knows I do.  But the point is how often do you say this words.  Our words are a container for power and as they carry the power to destroy they also possess the potency to heal.  So say those words,  in the kitchen in the grocery store,  in the parking lot anywhere, say those words.  It makes her feel secure that you still feel the same way about her. Don’t let her continue to figure things by herself it does you no harm by saying the words,  as long as you’re  convinced you to love her,  then don’t stop saying it.

CLUE FOUR:- SHOW HER OFF.
if she has to explain to people that she’s in a relationship with you then you’re  not doing your job,  when you go to any function introduce her to people before she’s asked,  especially to the ladies,  help her marked her territory. I’m assuring you there’s no man in this world who could twat your relationship, come to think of it,  why do people cheat,  because they go in search of what is lacking in their relationships, and if you’re doing your best at those things what bait did other guys has.  Think of every relationship that was slammed at the rock,  something has been lacking either attention,  communication or acceptance.

CLUE FIVE:- COMMUNICATE REGULARLY AND PROPERLY.
most people when they hear or see the word communication they felt they are master of the art,  but to think you are master of the art makes you even guilty of it.
Always get this at the back of your mind humans are first emotional beings before they become a logical being,  especially for the ladies.  According to Shaunti and Jeff feldhahn in their book “FOR MEN ONLY-they said what she feels about the problem is much more important than the problem” it sound so simple right?  How many men or guys actually know this? Even the ones that do, doesn’t understand it deeply.  If you noticed I just said communicate regularly and properly,  you can be communicating regularly and not be doing it in the right way.  Never interrupt your woman when she’s venting her emotion,  even when you have the solution upfront, be discipline communicate love before you communicate logic.  And love is best communicated in an act not in saying,  and what is the act,  listening,  and not just listening but listening attentively. Help her feel her pain don’t  be so insensitive just by trying to be logical.  A man who can successfully listen to his woman has communicated the highest level gesture of love. Lastly, make sure you talk about anything,  discuss anything especially about her favourite stuff,  things she cares about.  I know a guy that is reading right it right now is thinking then what is in it for we guys?  Wait for it,  there’s  no way you do these things and you won’t see your relationship naturally falling back to place. She’ll begin to adjust in some areas that you’ve almost given up,  truth is, she’s human she’s  not a beast she wants your happiness too.
If you’re  a lady reading this,  you can also email it to your man just to save your relationship.