I fantasized the idea in my head over and over again.
I constantly fight the urge to call you, to be with you, to tell you how much I miss you.
I created this mental image of how is going to be if we ever get back together again.
All that was left was a riptide of what was, left to deal with the shredding image of what might have been.
The voices of how I messed up are getting louder in my head.
Now I’m Flooded by the echoes of regrets and draped by the shadows of my misdeeds, drowning in the tears of my pride.
I thought if I didn’t say those words, I’ll still be given the chance to say it when I feel like,
But I didn’t realize you’ve given me countless chances after chances to right my wrongs,
But I was too gripped by the bounds of pride that I was ignorant of losing the one person that matters to me.
How come the words “I’m sorry becomes so much a task that I can’t let go off my mouth?
I’m willing to say those words thousand times in every second to get you back to how we were,
Yet you told me is too late, those words doesn’t matter anymore.
You told me how you wake up each day hoping I will realize my mistake.
How you desperately want to hear those apologetic words sincerely from me.
I let my pride take hold of me till I was left to walk on egg shells when it no longer matters.
I sit imagining how I should have done things differently if I’m ever given the chance.
So sad that I’m holding on to what might have been.
Now It downed on me that I’m holding on to the one that never came back.
From primary school to high school, we all have that special person we could give our spare pencil to, or that person we could lend our new text book for weeks without even flinching, fast forward to college when we are fully adults, there are friends in our life that are so dare to us, which we can’t trade for anything in life, friends people thought we are related by blood, just because we spend the vital part of our day around them?
Now here’s the question seriously craving for an answer. Who is actually real? Who’s that person that can stand by us when the trying time comes, when the tides of life becomes heavy, and the cloud are darkly with frustration swaying through our mind, who is that person we can turn to?
You know what’s funny? One day I sat and I ask myself, if I’m to point at someone or people who has really stood by me when times are really tough. Sadly enough is the most predictable people I thought was going to be around me, becomes the people that disappear at the slightest opportunity. I came to realize rather, that most people just stick around for what they’ll get in return, not for the sake of the love they have for us, or for the sacrifice they are willing to make.
However lets approach this exigent matter from another angle, aren’t we guilty of the same offense?
How many times do guys date a girl for her beauty? Now you might be forced to ask what’s selfish about that anyway, don’t be hasty to your conclusion, I’ll make my point more conspicuous. Have you ever wondered if the girl is not that beautiful after all, would he still have that same level of affection for her? So suffice it to say he doesn’t really love her, he only love his idea of himself in her for the satisfaction or the gratification of that beauty.
How many girls date a handsome guy for such similar reason?
Look at the numbers of friends celebrities have after fame, it’ll be wise to compare it with the number of friends they have before then.
How many of us loose friends because we suddenly stopped doing the things we use to do for them?
Seriously I’m not saying true friends doesn’t exist, but the chance of getting them is similar to the chance of a one hand man winning a boxing contest against Floyd money may weather.
So please tell me who is real? Since they say adversity show who a man’s true friend is, should we stay till that day of adversity? This may not really be a total good idea. Are you real? Don’t say yes in a hurry.
Most times I become the victim of my inner battle. The casualty of the unseen War I fight each day,
War of what will be and what wouldn’t.
The struggle between my desires, wants and Needs.
I buried myself in the pool of worry, seeing the achievement of the person next door, that glaring picture dawn on me as if am a failure of the century.
More often than none I wonder if it’s actually possible to be happy in this world of endless trouble and ceaseless agony.
This ill mentality and a ruptured attitude dug my soul deep that it becomes always seemingly impossible for me to see people genuinely happy without being skeptical about it, maybe its being faked, or they’re not really honest with how they truly feels.
As I grow daily, taking the shape of a real man (smiles) reading many books and listening to men of deeper mindset talk and weigh their perspective about life,
I begin to understand, happiness is not about who we are or the things we couldn’t achieve but the things we choose to think of each day.
As I assume greater responsibilities daily I come to the realization, that there’s always going to be someone better than me, smarter than me…. There’s always going to be people whose ideas are more refined than mine. The question is does that makes me invincible? Of course NO. I just have to love myself for who I am, and the things I can do, appreciate my strength and obliterate my weaknesses.
The sad thing is, I never knew I was fighting a futile battle. The war I could never win, robbing my self of the gift of time. I become the best at squandering the insufficient time. I think that’s what we do most of the time, we attach too much importance to irrelevant things, never realizing that time is of the essence.
every droplet of this ink, leaves traces of wisdom