FIVE THINGS YOU NEED TO ASK A MAN BEFORE YOU COMMIT YOUR FUTURE TO HIM

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Relationship journeys are not just something you jump in to without proper analytical thinking. Most people discard this ideology with the mindset of opting out whenever things are no more going in their favour. Well that might be an option for those that are not married yet, but even at that, whenever you end a relationship with someone, there’s a vital part of you the person takes along with them, psychologically, emotionally and sometimes materially. Haven’t said this, it is imperative that you settle some doubts  and vital questions that might later resurface in  a more threatening form, and occasionally they might be too late. Please follow me on this journey; if you could ponder these questions critically it will save you from a lot of misfortune in the nearest future. My mentor, Mr Olajide Aribisala once said

most of your struggles are traceable to your ignorance”.

1. What can you tell me about your future?

Asking this kind of question gives you a direct insight on where a man is heading, it immediately unlocks a futuristic view of where he is leading you to. If you asked a man this question and within five minutes he was blabbing, and he couldn’t give you a concrete description of the kind of future he wants, this can tell you one thing, he has never sat down to critically think and analyze where he is heading or taking you to. It’s like the funny story of Alice in Wonderland; Alice got to an intersection of two roads, and she asked someone she saw at the intersection, where both roads would lead. The stranger asked her where she was heading, she said she didn’t know, then the stranger said to her, ‘it doesn’t matter which road you take either. This is a clear example of committing your future to the hands of a man that is unsure of his future. He will take you everywhere but nowhere concrete, Just busy but not productive. They may not necessarily be bad people, but they haven’t start living like they should yet, they are still a biomass, existing like a robot. Such people are easily depressed, and easily convinced to take a wrong decision.

2. What are your gifting and skills?

Here’s where the ladies get it all wrong, when they meet a man they are quick to ask him what he does, or where he works; here’s a shocker for you. Work or a job is not a guarantee for a well secured or balanced future. Late Dr. Myles Munroe once said,
Your career is not your purpose.

Your job is not your work.
Your job is what you’re paid to do.
Your work is what you’re created to d

o.
Until a man discovers his purpose and reason for existence, he is like a leaf hovering upon the waters with no specific direction, but I am going to write an article on that next time. Moving forward, he can be fired from his job but he can’t be fired from his purpose. It’s even safer to ask a man about his gift and talent, rather than asking him where he works or the kind of job he does. If you could encourage him to develop those gifts he is going to be an employer of labour in a short while.
His gift and talent gives you a clue of the kind of family you’re about to build with him, and the required skills, to sustain such home.

3. Where do I fit in to your future?

This is another intelligent question, asking a man this kind of question, sends a signal to him that you’re someone that can’t be taken for granted, or, who values her time, and is purpose driven.
This is also a security question. It will quickly reveal if the man wants you for the short while or for a better reason as regards to the future. You might be skeptical about some of these questions; probably there are men smart enough to beat you to it. Well not exactly. That’s where your emotional intelligence comes to play. Trust me, it is easy to catch a lie, if you don’t blind your sight by emotional entanglement.

4. Who are the top five people you’re modeling your life after?

A man’s mentor is a window to his future; a man’s mentor tells you more about him than he could explain himself. Asking about his mentors also gives you an intimation of the kind of future he has carved for himself. It tells you if he is purpose driven, if he has hunger for success.
If he follows successful men, it can only tell you one thing, he will in no time be successful, if he is diligent enough, because success leaves clue, it can be reproduced. If he also models his life after a failure as his mentor, you already know the kind of man you’re submitting your life to.

5. What are you doing every day to align yourself to that future?

It has been said that a man’s success is in his daily routine, you don’t become great by just wishing. John C. Maxwell affirms this truth in his book Today Matters “

show me your 24hours schedule, and I will show you your future”.

Asking a man this kind of question, if he is a sensible man, he will feel loved and appreciated, because it shows that you believe in him. But an insecure man will push you off. Well it’s a win-win situation for you; it saves you the pain of figuring out who he is.
This question provokes a man to action, it is as potent as seeing a relationship consultant if you are willing to know the truth. For us to learn a new truth, you must willingly surrender your disbelief.

DISCLAIMER: for you to get a desired result you have to be open-hearted, willing to be proven wrong of what you originally believed. Most of the relationships problems occur, not because we didn’t see the truth from the get go, but we convinced ourselves from believing those truths. For while you ask these questions apply your human intelligence to the process.
I wish you a loving relationship.

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HOW TRUE IS YOUR TRUTH?

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How far are you willing to go to prove what you know is right?

To what magnitude will you exercise your authority on the quest for justice?

Are you willing to risk all you’ve got to prove to someone that their opinion, ideas, behavior or manner of approach is wrong?

Is being right more important to you than being happy?

In as much as it is expedient to seek justice and ascertain the truth, it is also prudent for us to examine what we thought is the truth.

In most cases the truth is relative. Reality is not truth, and truth is not reality. Reality can be true, but it is not necessarily so most of the time.

Sometimes  what we are willing to sacrifice our happiness and longtime friendship to prove are not worth it, but we fight against this fact until it is done on us, until the situation has gone haywire, before we come to terms with the real truth of the matter.

Our perception of the truth is governed by our environment and nurtured by reality, which we mistake for the truth, majority of the time.

I read a funny story that puts this article in a better perspective.

A woman was rushing to the airport, she bought a cookie along the way and puts it in to her bag, sat patiently at the waiting arena as she was reading her book, she was so engrossed in the book, she brought out her cookie, with her eyes fixed on the book, she picks a cookie to eat and a man seated beside her reached for the pack of the cookies and picked one for himself, she was irritated by the man unrequired confidence and arrogance, she was so annoyed by the sight of the man, but the man seems not to bother, he smiled as he reached for another cookie, the woman couldn’t just believe such level impetus, she struggled to get her attention back to the book, as she skirmishes through the pages, with the disturbing thought of this arrogant thief, seated beside her. They were trading turn till it remained one last cookie, at least courtesy demand that the man will be polite to leave the last piece of cookie for the owner, but that seems not to be the case. The proverbial honour among the thieves seems not to be applicable in this scenario. The man reached for the last cookie, broke it in to two, and gave the woman half with a warming smile, as he ate the other.

This woman became livid, felt like punching his four front teeth out his jaw, as she was lost in to such abysmal thought; she was called for her flight. She was seated in her plane, feeling relieved of what seems to be the worst day of her life. She reached for her back, to her sheer bewilderment, she saw her pack of cookie untouched, it dawned on her, that the so called arrogant thief was her all along, for it was the man cookie that she has been eating, and not hers. She felt mortified embarrassed and remorseful for her attitude, but she can no longer go back to apologize to the man in question. No wonder mark twain said “it is not what we don’t that gets us into trouble, it is what we know for sure that just ain’t so”.

The lesson here is this, most times what you saw is not what it is, perception is always a dangerous element, that’s why in dealing with people, you have to be very careful how you fight for what you believed to be the truth.

It is always advisable to give it a second thought, it cost nothing in being right and doesn’t have to prove it. Someone once said “if you spend all your time proving why you’re right, you will end up being wrong. The Holy book affirm this thought, “he that is slow to anger is wise”

In this 21st century, human relation is a skill you must learn, it has become imperative to know how to relate with people. Always remember TRUTH IS NOT REALITY, AND REALITY IS NOT TRUTH.

ENVIRONMENT THE KEY TO YOUR FUTURE.

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There was a trained police Dog, highly skilled in chasing after criminals, it has an incredible speed, it could chase a criminal tirelessly, till it hunts it down. There was this fateful day, the dog was in a hot pursue of a thief, it was running at an intersection of a major road, with a busy traffic, cars moving at top speed, as the dog was maneuvering its way amidst those cars, there was a car coming at full speed behind it, before the driver could apply a break, it hits the dog, but the it managed to wobble away from the road. Several months later, the dog survived, but could no longer walk properly. It has to throw its first two legs to the front, and wobble with the last two. But something happened, when the dog was hit by the car, it was already pregnant. When it delivered the puppies, guess how they were walking? The puppies will throw their first two legs to the front and wobble with the last two. But the interesting thing was that, they were healthy, sustained no injury. But the truth is this; their environment has conditioned their future. The veterinary doctors were plagued with how they could get the puppies to walk properly; they have tried several times but to no avail. They came up with a plan of separating the puppies away from the wounded dog. It was when they did that, before the puppies could walk properly.

Here’s my question to you, could it be that, so many limitations you’ve placed on your self were caused by the environment you expose yourself to? Human ability is immeasurable. It is our environment that placed a limit on who we are as a person. Think of this, when you were young, you were full of dreams and ideas, you felt like you could do anything you set your mind on, but as you grow older, you began to  give up on those dreams. What happened? Is not because your ability to achieve those dreams that waned, neither you lose interest, but the environment, your society has forced that limitless ability out of you with their negative words.

It has been said that for every “you can’t do it” someone tells you, you need seven different “you can do it” to counter that single “you can’t do it”. Now imagine someone that has been born to such toxic environment all their life till they become an adult. Guess what will happen to their confidence in themselves? Please how many “you can do it” do they need, do the math?

I think of environment as any possible thing; you expose yourself or sense organ to, capable of selling an idea, perception, suggestion and opinion to you. It can be your friends, your families, religion, office and schools, something as seemingly insignificant as your choice of music and movies.

My friend and i  visited the prison some days back, we saw how the prisoners were made to do a hard labour against their wish, I turned to my friend and told him that, every single person you see here, both the guilty and the innocent ones, it was one day they made a choice or a decision that landed them in to this place they are right now. The guilty ones, it was one day they resolved in their minds to make the decision that ruined their lives. The innocent ones, it was one day they decided to make friends with the person that implicated them. What I resolved to was that. We don’t make decisions; it is our decisions that made us. So for every decision you make in life, it is either drawing you towards who you want to become in life, or it is pulling you away from it. If you live with such consciousness, you will pay extra caution to how you live your life, and those you hang around. Your environment is key to who you become in life.

It is a proven fact that who you become in life:

Your knowledge has 10% influences.

Your character has 40% influences.

Your environment has 50% influences.

Needless to say that your environment plays the major role in your life, please guard your space, your circle and your life, with conscious deliberate effort.

THE LIE WITHIN THE TRUTH

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Words skillfully knitted like D.N.A threads

Each cluster carrying out its functions,

It heals, revives, and made whole.

If identity is in doubt it boast more of its function.

It settles all disputes, not like in the hood when it’s done by unloading the rifle.

Deep it in a sauce and it could pass for a meal,

bite, chew and grind all it does is to make it taste better.

Come get me I’m all yours.

Your words has held me captive.

Like an arrow piercing through a dartboard, it hits my soul.

They  said time heals all wounds, tempted to doubt, till your words healed my soul.

Dug the foundation, lay the blocks erect the wall, just like a mansion, your words built my life.

It sold me off like the slave to her master,

held heplessly by a blaster.

Those days you stood by me.

What more could I have asked for from a darling so real.

Walking through the dark,

Step by step, one two three,

the shadows clinched on me,

The shadows of your words,

The shadows of your care,

and of your promises.

Then the light came on, and you were gone.

Oh no! not the great beyond,

That could have been better

Yes I said it could have been better

But you were gone,

Gone back to meet your wife and kids

You told me we could make a good family

alas, this is just THE LIE WITHIN THE TRUTH.

STILL I RISE

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Still I Rise

You may write me down in history 
With your bitter, twisted lies, 
You may tread me in the very dirt 
But still, like dust, I’ll rise. 

Does my sassiness upset you? 
Why are you beset with gloom? 
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells 
Pumping in my living room. 

Just like moons and like suns, 
With the certainty of tides, 
Just like hopes springing high, 
Still I’ll rise. 

Did you want to see me broken? 
Bowed head and lowered eyes? 
Shoulders falling down like teardrops. 
Weakened by my soulful cries. 

Does my haughtiness offend you? 
Don’t you take it awful hard 
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines 
Diggin’ in my own back yard. 

You may shoot me with your words, 
You may cut me with your eyes, 
You may kill me with your hatefulness, 
But still, like air, I’ll rise. 

Does my sexiness upset you? 
Does it come as a surprise 
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds 
At the meeting of my thighs? 

Out of the huts of history’s shame 
I rise 
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain 
I rise 
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide, 
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide. 
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear 
I rise 
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear 
I rise 
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave, 
I am the dream and the hope of the slave. 
I rise 
I rise 
I rise.

By Maya Angelou.

YOU CREATE YOUR OWN LIMITS

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Animal trainers understand the psychology of the mind, training animals is more mental than physical. When an elephant is small and they want it to be trained, they tie its leg firmly to a tree. The elephant struggles to pull the tree just to get away but can’t. After many weeks of failed effort, it resigns to its fate.
Years later when the elephant grows larger in size and strength, strong enough to uproot the tree, guess what happens? It does nothing about it. The elephant has been so used to failing that it doesn’t try anymore.
The point is, there is nothing like limitation, the only limitation we know exists in our minds. Limitations are more mental than physical. When you think of limitations, you create them. Have you ever been so scared to try something new, because all the odds appear to be against you? Yet immediately you summon the courage to face it, you realize that what you feared was nothing but a mirage, and you become so proud of yourself, at the same time so ashamed of those times you wasted thinking about what never even existed. Motivational speaker Walter Bond asserted “Get off your BUT, because all BUT stinks”. That’s exactly how it is – all those limitations are mental torture, they keep you longer than you want to, and cost you more than you could afford. Jim Rohn once said “Try anything as quick as possible, if you succeed you become happy, if it doesn’t work out you find out quicker”, so it’s a win-win situation for you.
Whenever I think of limitations I feel it has a lot to do with fear and self-doubt, you’re powerful beyond measure. In the words of Marianne Deborah Williamson,
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frighten us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented,
and fabulous? Actually who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
You playng small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people
will not feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God,
That is within us, it is not just some of us,
It is in everyone and as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give others permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically
Liberates others.
This is how powerful we are, words can’t even describe the magnitude we possess as human beings. We are created to conquer challenges; we are not created for defeat. With all the energy you can gather, the momentum you can possess, with your innate gift and ability, fight your limitations by taking actions despite how you feel or see.

LIMITATIONS.

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others have placed on their own lives. The vision of your true destiny does not reside within the blinkered outlook of the naysayers and the doom prophets. Judge not by their words, but accept advice based on the evidence of actual results. Do not be surprised should you find a complete absence of anything mystical or miraculous in the manifested reality of those who are so eager to advise you. Friends and family who suffer the lack of abundance, joy, love, fulfillment and prosperity in their own lives really have no business imposing their self-limiting beliefs on your reality experience.
Anthon St. Maarten

PUTTING A MAN TOGETHER

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Have you ever been in the middle of something important to you, everything seems perfect until something happens and messed everything up, you start wondering maybe it’s a sign for you to throw in the towel and pack up.
Is your life in shambles right now, probably you’ve made a lot of mistakes in your life time, and all you could think of is how screwed up you have been? Is easier for you to give up on yourself, thinking nothing can be done to this colossal damage.
A man was working on his computer at home, and his younger son keeps disturbing him in order to get his attention, but the man stayed glued to the computer, yet the son persisted the more, out of desperation, the man thought of something he could use to engage the son to stop him from the disturbance, a seemingly impossible task. Suddenly he looked on the table beside him and saw a paper containing the map of the word, he quickly grab the paper, tear the paper tear it in to in to pieces, hoping to send the son on a dreadful task.
He told his son to go put the map of the world on the paper together, joining it bit by bit, piece by piece. To his supreme astonishment the son came back with the paper less than five minutes with the map of the world intact, perfectly fitted in the right position, the man was shocked, and asked the boy, how he accomplished the task so fast, something that appears to be logically impossible, the son enthusiastically told his dad, that it’s “quite simple”.
“There was a man at the back of the map, all I did was to put the man together, and the map of the world was precisely placed together”.
This allegory is synonymous to our life situations, something happens with the intention to shatter our map; our map in this context could be our life plan, goals, aspiration and visions. Those are the attempt of the devil out of desperation to dismantle what we’ve got going for us. Just to send us on an errand to an island of impossibilities, hoping we will spend the major part of our life doing damage control, fixing our past mistakes, but here’s the thing we are a masterpiece, God has got our life together, so when those things go wrong, when we thought nothing possible can salvage this situation, God steps in and put the man at the back of our map together, surprisingly everything will come in to place perfectly fitted. I read a quote that struck a chord within me some weeks back, it says “when you thought you’ve messed up God’s plan for your life, through your mistakes, here’s the good news, you’re NOT that powerful” nobody is so powerful to thwart God’s plan over your life. Even your mistake is not that potent.
I urge you today, please stop leaving a life of regret, you have a beautiful picture ahead of you, and your mistakes are your best resources if you can be prudent enough to learn from the experience.

LET IT GO

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Acquiring things is good, sustenance is lovely, but sometimes security comes in letting go of the things you thought your life is dependent on. A man was driving a convertible car on a mountainous road at top speed. He made a sharp turn, and the car began heading down a gully of about 100 feet; luckily for him the roof of the car was open, so he dived out of the car and managed to hold on to a tree branch, his legs were dangling, while panting heavily as he watched his car nose dive in to the gully. He was running out of strength and scrambling for air. Out of desperation he screamed out for help repeatedly, inching closer to giving up, as it seemed there was no help coming from anywhere. All of a sudden, the clouds began to gather, and a voice proceeded out of the clouds with a rumble “son, I will help you, but on one condition – let go of the branch you’re holding on to”. He paused for a minute, and continued to scream, “someone else, please help!”
I pondered on this story for a while and I realized, sometimes in life, in as much as sustenance and certainties are good, the things we hold on to, are the things stopping us from achieving what we truly want in life.
Faith requires you to lose what you see in order to gain the better things you don’t see, and that’s hard for so many people. They don’t trust God, let alone trust themselves. This singular habit can be a hindrance to so many things in life. One of the men I love so much, Les Brown, once said “Jump down, and develop your wings downward”. Everybody you’ve seen in life started out not knowing how it was going to end; they may have the full picture, but are definitely uncertain of the whole process. They just take steps and watch the journey unfold to their favour. Providence has a way of meeting your needs, if you can be faithful and committed. Late Dr. Myles Munroe asserted, though paraphrased, “God is committed to seeing you succeed, if you’re willing and committed, because his reputation is on the line”.
I am assuring you today, LET IT GO. That relationship with that person that has been molesting you, but you’re scared of losing because he has a little role he is playing in your life, LET IT GO. There is always someone better.
Go and rule your world.