When they tell you No.


“My First ‘No’: I’ve been waiting 14 years to share this story. Please take the time to read.

At 31 years of age, today marks the completion of:
1. Four years of a medical magnet school
2. Four years as a Neuroscience Major (B.S.)
3. Four years of Medical School (M.D.)
4. Five years of Orthopedic Surgery Residency
5. One year of Fellowship in Hand and Upper Extremity Surgery

That is 18 years of training, 14 years post high school. It is interesting as a child when you tell someone you want to be a doctor when you grow up…they believe and encourage you. Mostly because it is so far in the future and no normal human would even think of crushing a child’s dream. But the closer you get to accomplishing your dreams, the easier it is for people to discourage you and marginalize your goals.

In elementary school, I was the little girl who wanted to be a doctor, it was cute. Middle school I excelled, scored high and when I told teachers I wanted to be a doctor, they were all for it. High school, I was in a medical magnet school, took AP classes and it was a no brainer. I said I wanted to be a doctor, the response was always positive.

Along this path I entered college at the University of Miami, the best school in Florida. I was accepted to the Neuroscience program. The real journey was about to begin. With this journey would come many people, teachers, advisors, professors who would tell me that I could not and would not make it to M.D. Up until college, the idea of becoming a doctor was entertained and encouraged. Like I said earlier, as a little Black child it’s only perceived as a dream, not as a journey that will actually manifest.

The road to me obtaining an M.D. and later becoming an Orthopaedic Hand Surgeon was riddled with ‘No’. But last week, after a long day of surgery, I sat back and reflected on the first time I heard ‘I don’t think you can make it,’ or in simpler terms, when I heard my first ‘No.’

My first ‘No’ came my freshman year of college. I completed my first semester and had to meet with my freshman advisor. I met with Dr. Victoria Noriega, a beautiful intelligent woman that as a freshman I looked up to. I reviewed my grades with her. I had a B in biology, the rest were A’s. I’ll never forget when she told me I would not get into medical school. My grades were not high enough. She then proceeded to say, minorities do better in health related psychology fields. This was my first semester of college. She was the first person to tell me, I couldn’t make it to M.D., but she wouldn’t be the last.

Imagine, at 17, if I had listened to this advice from my advisor. The resulting cascade:
1. Never going to medical school to obtain my M.D.
2. If I did not move to Atlanta to attend medical school, I would never have met my pastor Michael L. McCrimmon , who ultimately introduced me to my husband Correll Bilbrew.
3. I would never have completed 5 years of Orthopedic Surgery and become the second African American from the oldest Orthopedic Training program in Texas.
4. I would not be graduating today as the first African American Female Hand and Upper Extremity Fellow at The University of Florida.

I’ve heard many No’s. I would not get into medical school. I should not be a surgeon because then, ‘I couldn’t get manicures and my hands would be constantly dry from scrubbing my hands from surgery’ (real comment from a medical school professor). I was told, ‘I fit better as a Family Practice physician’, because I don’t have the demeanor of a physician. I was told when scrubbed in to a surgery with an Orthopaedic Surgeon during the time I was applying to residency that ‘I would never get into an orthopedic residency; he would never vote for me to get in.’

You see, there are many No’s along my journey. I can honestly say not once did any No deter me. It literally went in one ear, out the other and in the garbage can. It never stopped my grind and that is why 14 years after that incident I’m graduating.

Be careful when you tell someone No. Today I have at least a dozen minorities I am mentoring to also become an orthopedic surgeon. How sad would it be if I heeded that first No. Imagine if instead of no, I heard ‘how can I help you get there.’ The closer you get to accomplishing your dreams, the easier it is for people to discourage you and marginalize your goals. Keep Striving.” ~ Dr. Lattisha L. Bilbrew, Orthopedic Hand and Upper Extremity Surgeon.


Who lied to this generation?


Who lied to this generation?
Who told us is okay to comfortably put others down remorselessly, in an attempt to win a cheap public victory.
Who says it’s okay to love things and use people instead of vices versa, in an attempt to bag an unearned adulation?
What part of science thought us that putting other people’s light of greatness out, has an intrinsic effect of amplifying ours?
When did it become so cool to glorify an empty headed broad chested drifter of a guy, parading his six packs publicly, over a guy trying to make sense out of life, by using his talent to lift others?
How do we get to this sickening state, where the love to acquire a Gucci bag, and Versace shoes, regardless of how we get it, more important than the love for moderation and decency?
Gone are the days when our young men, look forward to a role model like Albert Einstein who rise above his inadequacies to become great, or  look forward to becoming a man like Ben Carson an excellent surgeon, or Joseph lister, the pioneer of medicine.
We no longer learn the resilience of the wright brothers in inventing the aeroplane, nor the fortitude of Winston Churchill against the Nazi armies.
What you see is how to trump the swag of the latest popstar, how the ladies could super imposed the fashion style of rihanna, lady gaga, Nicki minaj and their likes.
Our girls are willing to go to any length to get the latest Brazilian weaves as opposed to increasing the content of their brain an character.
No wonder the adults are carefully ignoring the youths, because with their impeccable sense of judgement, they see no credible future coming out of this kind of irritating lifestyle.
Once your Social media followership is up to date, every thing in your life can fall apart.
We cherished the acceptance of virtual friendship over the sincere criticism of a loving Friend.
My question to us today is who lied to us?
Who lied to us that with this kind of lifestyle, our generation will be proud that we came?
Until their is a major shift of our paradigm, and we break free from this mental stronghold,
The youths may gradually go in to extinction, yet existing.
I weep for my generation.

How to know you have been wasting your life.

in the dustbin

Our life is a gift to us, what we do with it is our gift to the world. All the great people whose names we remember are people who have discovered the meaning to life, and work tirelessly to make their life worth living. This is the reason why their lives will continue to echo till the ends of the earth. It is easy to waste our life without even knowing it, hence for us to matter in life we have to take conscious and deliberate decisions in life to make an impact. I have come to discover that every decision we make in life either takes us closer to our goal; a life of significance in life, or takes us away from it. It is an abuse of existence to pass through this life unnoticed. George Bernard Shaw affirmed “what tragedy will it be, for us to climb the ladder of success only for us to reach the end and discover that it is leaning against the wrong wall”. That’s an exact description of a wasted life. So I’m going to list some factors or points that will help you discover how you have been wasting your life, but the good news is you can retrace your steps and start leading a productive life.

  1. You don’t plan the activities for the day before facing the day

In life it is easier to get caught up with so many meaningless activities, and we fall in to the deception and assume busyness equals productivity. There is a wide berth between busyness and productivity – one is left to chance, the other is systematically determined. So what happens is when you don’t plan your day before you face it, you keep floating around and you end up achieving less than 10% of what you were supposed to achieve for the day. You end up getting frustrated, because you put in all the work and you achieve less result. You know why? Because that energy is not used judiciously, trust me I’ve been there, but immediately I learnt how to take charge of my day I began to feel good about myself. I learnt the principle from a book written by John C. Maxwell, “Today matters”. He made an insightful statement in the book that stuck with me. He said “show me your 24hours and I can predict your future”. It might sound seemingly hostile but it is profoundly true. There is this exciting feeling you have when you know you’re in control of your day and the activities. So when you don’t plan your day, you’re gradually wasting your life.

  1. When you don’t have a self-development plan

Continue reading How to know you have been wasting your life.



Rejections and criticism are things we can never avoid, as long as we exist and interact with people on daily basis. It even becomes more excruciating when the people we least expect leave us out in the cold and expect us to get warm by ourselves. The question is what would you do, when you found yourself in demoralizing situation and the people who you thought might help you walked away when you needed them the most?
There was a ship that fell in to a deep dry well, the owner panicked for a while seeking for how to rescue the sheep, but there seems to be no way. People walked around the well for days hoping they could come up with a rational plan, but to no avail. The people concluded the only way to solve the problem is to condemn the well; the sheep looked up to them, as it watched it fate being decided, it has two options, it is either it await its death patiently, or hope on miracle. The sheep looked at some of its friend that it has helped in the past if they could just come up with a plan to rescue it, but they make no effort.
The people decided to seal up the well with the sheep inside it, by pouring loads of sand in the well, the sheep watched in anticipation for its doom. They began to pour the loads of sand sequentially, but something dramatic happened, the more they pour the sand, the more the ship shakes off the sand and climb on it, the more they pour the sand, the more the sheep give way to the sand to land in the well, so it could elevates it, it continue for hours, only for the sheep to get to the top most part of the well and jump out, and that was how the sheep survived what was meant to end its life.
I think of life’s situation as the deep dry well, those circumstances that you never bargained for, the betrayal, agony, loss of loved ones, financial turmoil and life tragedies you thought would have drowned your existence. While the sheep is us, you know sometimes is easy to think some circumstances of life will take our life, it becomes much more devastating when the people we thought would be there for us didn’t even try a bit to extend a helping hand. Here’s the fact, the problems are real, but the truth is, if you could look beyond the problems, and see life from another perspective, what you thought was your doom day becomes the greatest blessing you will forever be grateful for.
So i press upon you today, when it appears as if you’re at the edge of your life, see them as the dry well, and the challenges as the sand that is going to uplift you to your next level, the dry well is not meant to bury you, but to hide you for a while then lift you to your victory, so that when you come out, you come out refined and more determined.

Life Doesn’t Frighten Me


Shadows on the wall 
Noises down the hall 
Life doesn’t frighten me at all 

Bad dogs barking loud 
Big ghosts in a cloud 
Life doesn’t frighten me at all 

Mean old Mother Goose 
Lions on the loose 
They don’t frighten me at all 

Dragons breathing flame 
On my counterpane 
That doesn’t frighten me at all. 

I go boo 
Make them shoo 
I make fun 
Way they run 
I won’t cry 
So they fly 
I just smile 
They go wild 

Life doesn’t frighten me at all. 

Tough guys fight 
All alone at night 
Life doesn’t frighten me at all. 

Panthers in the park 
Strangers in the dark 
No, they don’t frighten me at all. 

That new classroom where 
Boys all pull my hair 
(Kissy little girls 
With their hair in curls) 
They don’t frighten me at all. 

Don’t show me frogs and snakes 
And listen for my scream, 
If I’m afraid at all 
It’s only in my dreams. 

I’ve got a magic charm 
That I keep up my sleeve 
I can walk the ocean floor 
And never have to breathe. 

Life doesn’t frighten me at all 
Not at all 
Not at all. 

Life doesn’t frighten me at all.

By Maya Angelou.

My interview with Barrister Ayegbanengiyefa Ruth Otiotio. A singer, Songwriter, Speaker, writer, Barrister and an Entrepreneur.










Kindly tell us your name in full?

                                                              My Name is Ayegbanengiyefa Ruth Otiotio

 Do you have a Nick name?

                                                                    Lool I have a lot of nicknames… Ruthie, RU tee tee, nengisco, nengi baybee.

Wow that’s quite a lot (smile).

                                                               Haha I know


How was growing up like?

                                                                  Ahh… It was awesome… I’m the first of five children… I’ve always had my siblings and people around me who made life very interesting… Plus my mom and dad I call them the super duo… They did everything in their power God helping them to give us the best of life… I think to a large extent I can say God was and is still absolutely faithful…


What course did you study in the university?

                                                               I studied the almighty ‘LAW’


“Almighty” indeed


What made you studied law?

                                                                   Well a number of things… First I’ve always had a flair for everything that does not involve numbers except it is ALERT. Also I hate injustice. I remember I would watch movies about the American civil war and my blood would boil… I think I would easily have been a Rosa Parks had I been born in that time and place. I also had a lot of encouragement from my dad and people around me to study law. Lastly I figured that a lot of the great leaders of our times and in time past were lawyers so it only made sense to study what they studied… Ha-ha… It’s funny though I’m not into litigation now that I’m a qualified lawyer… I mostly do corporate law… I might dabble into litigation one day may be to defend a rape victim…

I love your sterling sense of humor; the first line of your statement got me laughing real hard

                                                                          Haha… I guess it’s a gift I should think of developing… Thank you sir…

What are the major turning points in your life?

                                                                      Hmmn… I’ve had several, but I think for me life has been more of a process… I’ve sort of found myself blooming gradually… I’m not really one of those people who had major light bulb moments and then their lives are completely turned around… I’ve had probably too many light bulb moments… I mean I read a book I get a light bulb moment… I hear a message. From a conversation with a friend… I think for me I would say my major turning points happen almost every day, such that I find myself changing and getting better in various areas of life… I’ll give an instance I recently read a book by Sunday Adelaja on destroying poverty and he taught me some money principles which completely changed my mindset on how I deal with my finances. I have been practicing those principles and can see change already … So that for is a major turning point…

I guess you have Thomas Edison to thank for having such light bulbs in your possession.

                                                                      Haha… That guy saved plenty things oooo…

I was reserving the book question till later, but since you brought that up, i know you read a lot. Can you tell me some of the books you’ve read, and your all-time favourite?

                                                                          Hmmn… Okay my all-time favourite… That’s hard o… I think I’ll go with Daughter you can make it by Dag Mills a Ghanaian preacher… Apart from my father and mother that was one book that made me believe that a woman can be anything she wants in this world… That book made be ignore blackberry for a day…

Then for novels I’ll say “And the shofar blew by Francine Rivers”.

Ohoho! So you’re a phone addict?

                                                                     Ah Omo… Then o… It was terrible that time bb just came out…

I feel your pain, i can relate.


Wow! Though i don’t read novels

                                                                     You should consider it,

                                                                     Novels can be very interesting.

Well maybe because I am a Realist and Shakespeare choice of words made me flee from novels.

                                                                  Hahaha… Sha I get…

So if you are to recommend a life changing book for a young lady, struggling for which path to take in life, what book would that be?

                                                                      Daughter You Can Make Dag Heyward Mills. I would also add woman thou art loose TD Jakes, Kissed the girls and made them cry Lisa Bevere, any book by Sunday Adelaja, Power of priorities DK Olukoya…

                                                             Lool I know u said one

                                                             But I might as well hehe…

Wow, you’re a walking library.

                                                             Ha-ha! Not at all.

                                                             I’ve just managed to read some books in my small lifetime

I know you to be a lady who is in control of her life, i mean purpose driven and conscious of where she’s heading in life, so were you born like that, or there was time in your life when you were unorganized and unkempt. Would you like to share some practical steps, laws and principles in which you apply to achieve such mastery?

                                                                 Haha… Not at all… I am blessed to be born into a home where we are taught to be God conscious and productive in life… However I didn’t always, at times in my life I have found myself drifting away from the truth… But I’ve always had a sense of direction I want to live a life that would help others so a lot of times when I found myself off track, I would ask questions like if I continue like this what would become of all the lofty dreams God has put in my heart… Somehow I’m able to navigate my way back with the help of God. Another thing for me that is key is being real with God… Like if you know what you’re dealing with, don’t act like you’re not dealing with such things and be forming like you have it all together… Be as real as you can with him and he will help you… Also the people around you… I’ve had to un-make (if there is such a word) bad decisions about people around me. When I did that the right people came gradually

This is deep!

I also know you have this unwavering passion for business, can you tell us your journey in to the business world, your first love for it. Being a barrister, and still having the zeal for business, how does that come to play, in details please?

                                                                           Hahaha… I’ve always loved business… When I was younger I would string beads on threads and sell them to my mom as bangles and earrings… At a time I and my sisters started something called glitter family… We would make cards for Christmas etc. and sell them to anyone who cared to buy mostly family…


                                                                       Then while in law school, I would order shoes from the UK and my sister would bring them for me when she was on holiday and I would sell them. After a while I learnt to make Ankara accessories and started that… I made earrings for my colleagues in law school… By the time I went for Nysc I realized I could make my business a gifts business and supply souvenirs for events so that took off as ARO GiFtS selling hampers during Christmas…

It has always been in your blood then.

                                            Right now we are working on expanding into events proper…

                                           That is still in the works though so I’m not able to say much.


Am staring to think this law thing you studied was just for formality sake.

Can you tell us your business name, and what are the challenges you have faced running the business?

                                                                  ARO GIFTS is the name for now, but we are working on rebranding it to ARO GiFTS and Events… It is a gift and Events Company that supplies souvenir items for special occasions, and the events part, we are working on becoming a one stop center for all events need… So basically we want to be the company that plans your event… For me the ability to keep your customers is one key area for me, and them finding the right people who can run with what you have in mind.

 My major challenge has been people. Then next to people was the increase in dollar rate, it was really bad at a point. Because the prices skyrocketed so much so that it was hard to even tell your clients the new and improved price of certain items.

I guess the dollar issue is felt even by an unborn child.

                                                                      I forgot to mention that we are also put an African touch to all our items… Yes o.

How were you able to manage and still keep the business alive?

                                                                 It was something else, at a point i had to focus on other things for a while then think on how I could re-strategize….


I guess every business at a point will take a blow. That’s where persistence and passion kicks in.

                                                                   Yes sir!



 How did you come about the name Aro gift?

                                                                        Ha-ha! ARO is my initials. But the full name of the company is ALLURING ROSE.

Alluring rose. That’s awesome

What are the core values and principles that govern your business?

                                                                                   First our catch phrase is To you with love

                                                                                   We want to create happiness in everyone’s life

                                                                                   Our customers, and the recipients of the gift items,   

                                                                                Both those who work for the company.

                                                                                 We want to create a world of happy people.



Happiness is an essential element next to oxygen in a Man’s life

                                                                                     Yes it is

Okay, that’s brilliant

How can people find you online?

                                                                                        Okay! Facebook: Ruth Otiotio, Instagram: nengiyefa

                                                                                          Business handle: Instagram: aro.gifts


Funny question.


As a young vibrant lady who has so much going on in her life, do you sometimes feel like, men find you intimidating?


                                               I hope not… I think I’m pretty easy to get along with when you get to know me.

                                              From afar you might not feel that way though… Hahaha

Oh okay.

                                             I guess some might, but that shouldn’t be the case unless he is NFA

                                              No FUTURE AMBITION.

Most men get scared easily, they just have a nice way of concealing it.

                                                                                                     Lool okay o…




On a lighter note, have you had a funny experience with a man trying to get your attention?


                                                                            Hahaha yes somebody once told me my head is like world cup.

I can’t believe I laugh really hard to this one, was that supposed to be a compliment?

                                                                              Yes it was…. Haha… I almost fainted with laughter myself, so I understand.

 What would you say to young women who see marriage as their only life assignment?

                                                                      Please! Please, and please… That is such a dangerous misconception. Marriage is part and parcel of a greater assignment. God knew that the job he gave each of us to do is such that we would need a companion to help us… Both in good and bad times so he gave us marriage as a platform… Please it is important for ladies to fully develop their God given abilities to the point that they can deliver it with excellence to the world. Marriage is very important but it is not the end of the matter… If it was God would have made life such that once you marry you will go straight to heaven because you have completed your assignment. I pray that God almighty would reveal his deep secrets to all young ladies especially those from the African climes. We have so much to offer and this can be done in absolute humility and true surrender to God if with top notch excellence too.


i can see the passion in which you respond to this question, and you put it in a more succinct way.

                                                                          I believe it is something that really needs to be addressed…

When you look around the world, especially Nigeria, and you see the way the young girls are living their life, what comes to your mind?


                                                                                               They are eagles that think they are chickens.

Do you think the environment has conditioned them that way?

                                                                                          Many yes but some have been placed in the right environment but lack the understanding of who they really are so they settle for less. We started a program last year for young ladies it’s called Rubies international where we come together and discuss several of such issues although it has been on and off. I think this discussion is a prompter that there is need to work on making it steady…  The aim of the program is to deal with these sorts of issues… And create a shift in the mindset of young ladies particularly those of African descent.

Wow! I love this

How can ladies struggling with personal issues, get to you personally, and receive help?


                                                                    They can email me on r_otiotio@yahoo.com or send me a direct message on any of my social media handles.


This is helpful. Thank you

                                                                 Thank God and thank you for the privilege to share.

Do you have Mentor(s)?


                                                                              O yes.

                                                                      My parents, Folorunsho Alakija, Pastor Funke Adejumo,

                                                                      Christine Caine just to mention some

 Wow, awesome people.

Do you have a favourite quote?

                                                                               Not really… I don’t really keep quotes in mind but when

                                                                               I see them they jump at me at times…

Three more question before we round up this interview, if you don’t mind, i just can’t get enough of your responses, brilliant and enlightening.

                                                                              Alright thank God for wisdom

What trigger your love for the less privilege?

                                                                                       Honestly I don’t know… I’ve always wanted to help

                                                                                        People for as long as I can remember… I think it’s

                                                                                        Just how God wired me.

Guess you’re a compassionate being?

                                                                                        I do try… It’s not always easy to be compassionate…

What are your talents and skills?

                                                                                                 Haha I sing… If I may my first single will be out on

                                                                                                     The 21st of June. I think also speak well… I write

                                                                                                     Too… Lool…I think I’ll leave it there for now

Ehehe, super woman, wonder woman.

                                                                                                        Lool. Haha I wish


Will you be doing the album lunch?

                                                                                      The full album would be ready toward July

                                                                                       ending… But there won’t be any official launch per say…

Alright. it’s a quantum leap, as per your assignment on earth, like the late Dr. Myles Munroe would say, live full, die empty

                                                                                    Yes sir… We should all strive to die empty…




Do you have any regrets?

                                                                                        Lol no.

What would you like the world to remember you for?

                                                                                    Acts: 13. 36. For David, after he had served his own

                                                                                       generation by the will of God, fell on sleep, and was laid

                                                                                    unto his fathers, and saw corruption:

                                                                                      If u replace the David with my name and all the his

                                                                                    with she… That is what I want my obituary to read.


Your last word for this interview if there is any?


                                                                 I think the world is in such a state that it needs help and comfort. For me everything I do stems from the fact that I am a born again, child of God. I firmly believe that we have the answers the world needs and it is time for everyone to let their light shine for all to see… The bible says that Nations will come to your rising so if we are not rising I’m not sure if they will come… I would urge each and every one of us to arise and shine because the glory of God truly is upon us… And if anyone is yet to know this God I have been rambling about… He is ever ready with arms open wide… All it takes is a prayer of faith like this one… Dear father, I’m sorry for all the things I have done wrong. Please forgive me and save me. Help me become the best version of me as I strive to serve you. If you just said this prayer. Welcome Home baybee… The King loves you and so do I. If you can find a Bible believing church near you and begin attending there or contact myself or the interviewer with the information provided… Too much love everyone and ALL THE BEST…

Thank you to Wise Solo for this opportunity to share my little… God bless you and increase the works of your hand sir… You are appreciated… Thanks.





Relationship journeys are not just something you jump in to without proper analytical thinking. Most people discard this ideology with the mindset of opting out whenever things are no more going in their favour. Well that might be an option for those that are not married yet, but even at that, whenever you end a relationship with someone, there’s a vital part of you the person takes along with them, psychologically, emotionally and sometimes materially. Haven’t said this, it is imperative that you settle some doubts  and vital questions that might later resurface in  a more threatening form, and occasionally they might be too late. Please follow me on this journey; if you could ponder these questions critically it will save you from a lot of misfortune in the nearest future. My mentor, Mr Olajide Aribisala once said

most of your struggles are traceable to your ignorance”.

1. What can you tell me about your future?

Asking this kind of question gives you a direct insight on where a man is heading, it immediately unlocks a futuristic view of where he is leading you to. If you asked a man this question and within five minutes he was blabbing, and he couldn’t give you a concrete description of the kind of future he wants, this can tell you one thing, he has never sat down to critically think and analyze where he is heading or taking you to. It’s like the funny story of Alice in Wonderland; Alice got to an intersection of two roads, and she asked someone she saw at the intersection, where both roads would lead. The stranger asked her where she was heading, she said she didn’t know, then the stranger said to her, ‘it doesn’t matter which road you take either. This is a clear example of committing your future to the hands of a man that is unsure of his future. He will take you everywhere but nowhere concrete, Just busy but not productive. They may not necessarily be bad people, but they haven’t start living like they should yet, they are still a biomass, existing like a robot. Such people are easily depressed, and easily convinced to take a wrong decision.

2. What are your gifting and skills?

Here’s where the ladies get it all wrong, when they meet a man they are quick to ask him what he does, or where he works; here’s a shocker for you. Work or a job is not a guarantee for a well secured or balanced future. Late Dr. Myles Munroe once said,
Your career is not your purpose.

Your job is not your work.
Your job is what you’re paid to do.
Your work is what you’re created to d

Until a man discovers his purpose and reason for existence, he is like a leaf hovering upon the waters with no specific direction, but I am going to write an article on that next time. Moving forward, he can be fired from his job but he can’t be fired from his purpose. It’s even safer to ask a man about his gift and talent, rather than asking him where he works or the kind of job he does. If you could encourage him to develop those gifts he is going to be an employer of labour in a short while.
His gift and talent gives you a clue of the kind of family you’re about to build with him, and the required skills, to sustain such home.

3. Where do I fit in to your future?

This is another intelligent question, asking a man this kind of question, sends a signal to him that you’re someone that can’t be taken for granted, or, who values her time, and is purpose driven.
This is also a security question. It will quickly reveal if the man wants you for the short while or for a better reason as regards to the future. You might be skeptical about some of these questions; probably there are men smart enough to beat you to it. Well not exactly. That’s where your emotional intelligence comes to play. Trust me, it is easy to catch a lie, if you don’t blind your sight by emotional entanglement.

4. Who are the top five people you’re modeling your life after?

A man’s mentor is a window to his future; a man’s mentor tells you more about him than he could explain himself. Asking about his mentors also gives you an intimation of the kind of future he has carved for himself. It tells you if he is purpose driven, if he has hunger for success.
If he follows successful men, it can only tell you one thing, he will in no time be successful, if he is diligent enough, because success leaves clue, it can be reproduced. If he also models his life after a failure as his mentor, you already know the kind of man you’re submitting your life to.

5. What are you doing every day to align yourself to that future?

It has been said that a man’s success is in his daily routine, you don’t become great by just wishing. John C. Maxwell affirms this truth in his book Today Matters “

show me your 24hours schedule, and I will show you your future”.

Asking a man this kind of question, if he is a sensible man, he will feel loved and appreciated, because it shows that you believe in him. But an insecure man will push you off. Well it’s a win-win situation for you; it saves you the pain of figuring out who he is.
This question provokes a man to action, it is as potent as seeing a relationship consultant if you are willing to know the truth. For us to learn a new truth, you must willingly surrender your disbelief.

DISCLAIMER: for you to get a desired result you have to be open-hearted, willing to be proven wrong of what you originally believed. Most of the relationships problems occur, not because we didn’t see the truth from the get go, but we convinced ourselves from believing those truths. For while you ask these questions apply your human intelligence to the process.
I wish you a loving relationship.



How far are you willing to go to prove what you know is right?

To what magnitude will you exercise your authority on the quest for justice?

Are you willing to risk all you’ve got to prove to someone that their opinion, ideas, behavior or manner of approach is wrong?

Is being right more important to you than being happy?

In as much as it is expedient to seek justice and ascertain the truth, it is also prudent for us to examine what we thought is the truth.

In most cases the truth is relative. Reality is not truth, and truth is not reality. Reality can be true, but it is not necessarily so most of the time.

Sometimes  what we are willing to sacrifice our happiness and longtime friendship to prove are not worth it, but we fight against this fact until it is done on us, until the situation has gone haywire, before we come to terms with the real truth of the matter.

Our perception of the truth is governed by our environment and nurtured by reality, which we mistake for the truth, majority of the time.

I read a funny story that puts this article in a better perspective.

A woman was rushing to the airport, she bought a cookie along the way and puts it in to her bag, sat patiently at the waiting arena as she was reading her book, she was so engrossed in the book, she brought out her cookie, with her eyes fixed on the book, she picks a cookie to eat and a man seated beside her reached for the pack of the cookies and picked one for himself, she was irritated by the man unrequired confidence and arrogance, she was so annoyed by the sight of the man, but the man seems not to bother, he smiled as he reached for another cookie, the woman couldn’t just believe such level impetus, she struggled to get her attention back to the book, as she skirmishes through the pages, with the disturbing thought of this arrogant thief, seated beside her. They were trading turn till it remained one last cookie, at least courtesy demand that the man will be polite to leave the last piece of cookie for the owner, but that seems not to be the case. The proverbial honour among the thieves seems not to be applicable in this scenario. The man reached for the last cookie, broke it in to two, and gave the woman half with a warming smile, as he ate the other.

This woman became livid, felt like punching his four front teeth out his jaw, as she was lost in to such abysmal thought; she was called for her flight. She was seated in her plane, feeling relieved of what seems to be the worst day of her life. She reached for her back, to her sheer bewilderment, she saw her pack of cookie untouched, it dawned on her, that the so called arrogant thief was her all along, for it was the man cookie that she has been eating, and not hers. She felt mortified embarrassed and remorseful for her attitude, but she can no longer go back to apologize to the man in question. No wonder mark twain said “it is not what we don’t that gets us into trouble, it is what we know for sure that just ain’t so”.

The lesson here is this, most times what you saw is not what it is, perception is always a dangerous element, that’s why in dealing with people, you have to be very careful how you fight for what you believed to be the truth.

It is always advisable to give it a second thought, it cost nothing in being right and doesn’t have to prove it. Someone once said “if you spend all your time proving why you’re right, you will end up being wrong. The Holy book affirm this thought, “he that is slow to anger is wise”

In this 21st century, human relation is a skill you must learn, it has become imperative to know how to relate with people. Always remember TRUTH IS NOT REALITY, AND REALITY IS NOT TRUTH.