Relationship journeys are not just something you jump in to without proper analytical thinking. Most people discard this ideology with the mindset of opting out whenever things are no more going in their favour. Well that might be an option for those that are not married yet, but even at that, whenever you end a relationship with someone, there’s a vital part of you the person takes along with them, psychologically, emotionally and sometimes materially. Haven’t said this, it is imperative that you settle some doubts and vital questions that might later resurface in a more threatening form, and occasionally they might be too late. Please follow me on this journey; if you could ponder these questions critically it will save you from a lot of misfortune in the nearest future. My mentor, Mr Olajide Aribisala once said
most of your struggles are traceable to your ignorance”.
1. What can you tell me about your future?
Asking this kind of question gives you a direct insight on where a man is heading, it immediately unlocks a futuristic view of where he is leading you to. If you asked a man this question and within five minutes he was blabbing, and he couldn’t give you a concrete description of the kind of future he wants, this can tell you one thing, he has never sat down to critically think and analyze where he is heading or taking you to. It’s like the funny story of Alice in Wonderland; Alice got to an intersection of two roads, and she asked someone she saw at the intersection, where both roads would lead. The stranger asked her where she was heading, she said she didn’t know, then the stranger said to her, ‘it doesn’t matter which road you take either. This is a clear example of committing your future to the hands of a man that is unsure of his future. He will take you everywhere but nowhere concrete, Just busy but not productive. They may not necessarily be bad people, but they haven’t start living like they should yet, they are still a biomass, existing like a robot. Such people are easily depressed, and easily convinced to take a wrong decision.
2. What are your gifting and skills?
Here’s where the ladies get it all wrong, when they meet a man they are quick to ask him what he does, or where he works; here’s a shocker for you. Work or a job is not a guarantee for a well secured or balanced future. Late Dr. Myles Munroe once said,
Your career is not your purpose.
Your job is not your work.
Your job is what you’re paid to do.
Your work is what you’re created to d
Until a man discovers his purpose and reason for existence, he is like a leaf hovering upon the waters with no specific direction, but I am going to write an article on that next time. Moving forward, he can be fired from his job but he can’t be fired from his purpose. It’s even safer to ask a man about his gift and talent, rather than asking him where he works or the kind of job he does. If you could encourage him to develop those gifts he is going to be an employer of labour in a short while.
His gift and talent gives you a clue of the kind of family you’re about to build with him, and the required skills, to sustain such home.
3. Where do I fit in to your future?
This is another intelligent question, asking a man this kind of question, sends a signal to him that you’re someone that can’t be taken for granted, or, who values her time, and is purpose driven.
This is also a security question. It will quickly reveal if the man wants you for the short while or for a better reason as regards to the future. You might be skeptical about some of these questions; probably there are men smart enough to beat you to it. Well not exactly. That’s where your emotional intelligence comes to play. Trust me, it is easy to catch a lie, if you don’t blind your sight by emotional entanglement.
4. Who are the top five people you’re modeling your life after?
A man’s mentor is a window to his future; a man’s mentor tells you more about him than he could explain himself. Asking about his mentors also gives you an intimation of the kind of future he has carved for himself. It tells you if he is purpose driven, if he has hunger for success.
If he follows successful men, it can only tell you one thing, he will in no time be successful, if he is diligent enough, because success leaves clue, it can be reproduced. If he also models his life after a failure as his mentor, you already know the kind of man you’re submitting your life to.
5. What are you doing every day to align yourself to that future?
It has been said that a man’s success is in his daily routine, you don’t become great by just wishing. John C. Maxwell affirms this truth in his book Today Matters “
show me your 24hours schedule, and I will show you your future”.
Asking a man this kind of question, if he is a sensible man, he will feel loved and appreciated, because it shows that you believe in him. But an insecure man will push you off. Well it’s a win-win situation for you; it saves you the pain of figuring out who he is.
This question provokes a man to action, it is as potent as seeing a relationship consultant if you are willing to know the truth. For us to learn a new truth, you must willingly surrender your disbelief.
DISCLAIMER: for you to get a desired result you have to be open-hearted, willing to be proven wrong of what you originally believed. Most of the relationships problems occur, not because we didn’t see the truth from the get go, but we convinced ourselves from believing those truths. For while you ask these questions apply your human intelligence to the process.
I wish you a loving relationship.